Your advice is needed.

[KingFatass]

Hi Eels board.

I haven't seen many emoness around here, so I figured I'd fix that with a shameless selfplug here. I'm hoping you can give me some advice about a problem I have.

I also visit other boards and on one of them there is this girl (I know always the same shit right?). We seemed to have similar taste in things and began pm'ing eachother, which lead to talking on msn.

We talked... a lot. Every day we would talk for hours and share loads of things. We really hit it of and probably everyone reading figured that i've fallen in love with the girl. Even though it felt weird in the beginning, due to distance and such, she made me feel like no else in the world did. So we have been talking for 8 months now. In the course of time, I have send her gifts and 'cute pm's. With ofcourse the obvious hints that I have feelings for her.
She's the shy type and didn't really respond to that, but that was totally cool with me. We were having a great time and I felt like the king of the world.

Sometime around december she started to be online less. Which is fair ofcourse and we were talking about what we would be doing on new years eve. Turns out she was spending it with 'a guy'. Well my dear Eels board, not only was new years eve 2006 a lonely night... It probably worst the worst day of my life.

But KingFatass what were you thinking in the first place? Shouldn't you have seen that it was very obvious it would turn out this way you fucking retard!

Yes

Reality hit me like a brick. What was I thinking? Did I really expect this girl to fall in love with me also and that we would end up living together, happily ever after? How could I be so blind right? I realised how completly insane I had become and that I must sound like a maniac to her. So I feel pretty much fucked up ever since.

A few days ago she was telling me things about her and 'the guy' agian and I just couldn't take it anymore. I just let out everything. I told her all my feelings for her and that I have been acting totally insane probably and apolagised a hundred times for being so weird and shit.
To my suprise it made her cry and she apolagised for not taking my feelings into account. In return I apolagised and told her that it's 100% my fault, because it's me who is fucked up in the head and that i can't expect to her to give in to my feelings.
So things got a little weird but we talked it out. Were still friends now, but the uneasy tension remains.

By now you think 'So what you got heartbroken, that happens to everyone once in a while. Get over it or start an emo band.'
Well... i've never been in any kind of relationship before, or even never been in love. Ofcourse that's allready pathetic for a 22 year old, but it got me thinking and that's were I need some advice.

Should I let go and wait another 21 years untill someone else I like comes along and let my heart get trampled? Or should I hang on hope that something will happen between us? If there is anyone who is/was in a similar situation, I would really really appreciate some advice on how to deal with this. Or just some random cures for heartache are also very welcome, because this is a thing I can't talk about with friends and I have no clue how to deal with this. I'm sleeping bad and my heart literally hurts and shit.

To make it up for wasting you're last 5 minutes, some pictures illustrating my mood.











Thank you Eels board

[horndog]

y'know, almost exactly the same thing happened to me a little while ago, but it was a good friend instead. when i first met her i really liked her. im an open guy and i let her know, but she straight away said she wasnt attracted to me. bit annoying, but i thought ive still gained a friend. ive always thought shes hot. then recently we started getting on much better than we had done before. i invited her to things, got her a great present, and she did the same. i thought maybe shes looked past my exterior. then one day she was really happy, i asked why, and she told me some guy she liked is going to ask her out.

i guess what i think u should do is always stay optimistic, and stick at it. if u get down about it or start an emo band its not going to help your cause. emma tells me so. sticking at it is important too. if i remember correctly emma was in a relationship when i first got to know her, and it all ended up well! if that girl i liked didnt meet her current bf, i could be going out with her.

maybe it wont work out with that girl and her relationship. she might go to u with her problems, and she will know how u feel. maybe something could happen in the end. if u think someones right u should wait.

im the meantime, just see how it goes with other people. things often happen when u dont plan.

[geek]

The internet is so evil. As a matter of fact, that's what that e stands for. It doesn't really stand for explorer, it stands for EVIL. They should capitalize that e.

My advice would be to just keep it as friends. But if you can't do that because you're too in love with her or whatever, then cut it off completely with her and just get over her and move on. Especially if it's--as you said it is--a long distance kind of thing. Seriously, the longer it goes on the more painful it will get and you will desperately want it to be something more when it really just isn't anything else. It's hard to separate what goes on on here from reality because I know, it really does feel so real. But just keep reminding yourself that it can't be completely real if it is just on here.

And who's to say you'd have to wait another 21 years? You could meet someone tomorrow. never know, you just never know until it happens.

[redlocks]

ditto what geek said.

edit - and don't be cutting yerself!!!

[emma]

okay, so im a total fatalist, what happens happens fora reason and its the choices we make that determine what we get.
Maybe you met this girl to show you that love is so so possible for you, and now youve opened to flood gates that love might keep on pouring out and you might find love in a situation you'd never dreamt of before. I think you did the right thing by telling her your feelings, feelings that are kept inside always go bad, so at least this way she knows how you feel.
I've found the thing with internet love is its a lot of lust, you can make out things from what the person says and decide things about them that totally arent true, i'm not saying that its not love, because it so is, love is your own definition i suppose, noone else can tell you whether or not youre in it. It's also a lot easier to say what youre thinking on the internet, and get honest answers which is something the person stood next to you may just not have.
So my advice, keep in touch with the girl, try be happy for her. rememeber how strong your feelings are and how great you feel about her, dont try and forget how you felt when you found it wasnt to be. And in general get on with your life, and what will be will be.

Ps. Taking relationship adive from me is probably not the best thing. Things are fab for me right now, but it took a lot of heartbreak and crying about other boys to get here, and dont even mention some of my exs i am very very bitter

Hope you sort it out and find some happiness or something

[KingFatass]

Thanks for your advice, I really apreciate it.

If I can remember reading on the old board correctly Geek, you went trough a similar thing. So your advice seem pretty reasonable. I however did try to cut it of by msn/phone blocking etc etc... But I couldn't take it longer then 2 days.

Anyways you're thought give me stuff to work on, thanks agian.

[Great Mistake]

Here's what I liked to add.
I'm 22 and I never had a girlfriend until two weeks ago. So you're not alone, and it always can still happen! I hope that makes you feel a little bit better. I used to think I was abnormal too, but now I think: I'm just a bit shy, but also special and I'm proud of it. We eels fans are special and we need other special people to be with. And it's not always easy for special and shy people to find each other. Patience is good, my friend. It only makes you appreciate good things better.

About that internet girl, I understand that she seemed perfect but... it's better to wait with actually "falling in love" (if that's even possible) when you meet her in real life. Internet is not bad to meet people, but you can only really know someone when you know him/her in real life.
And I heard long distances really are difficult. But I don't have any experience on relationships.

But I do have experience on this: if something doesn't work out: it's better to get over it as soon as possible. And find someone who does love you back the same way, because that's really important in a relationship I know that's a lot easier said than done! But the right philosophy and intentions can help. Just have a little pride and keep remembering this: someone who doesn't love you back isn't good enough for you!!

[Great Mistake]

Oh but besides that, I'm rather the kind of person who would stay friends instead of blocking off. If someone's a nice person, you can still talk to her. Just stop focussing on her in a romantic way. (try to, in time off course)

[liesbet]

Internetlove can be a dangerous thing idd. I knew Niels from here and then he added me to MSN. We too started talking and talking for hours and we figured out we had a lot of common interests/situations going on. But we had our first meeting about 2 or 3 weeks after our first MSN conversation. It's better to meet as soon as possible because in real life it's still different from MSN, even now we're together.

But before I met Niels, I must say I've had too some situations where you think you're growing to someone you like and then all of a sudden that person tells you very excitedly about someone he has met. Mostly there's added: " I wanted you to be the first to know because you're such a good friend." Hurts every time.

Don't mind about your age Maybe you fall in love with someone who's a lot younger.. Or maybe you meet someone at an eels concert Eels is the perfect way to fall in love, my friend! And don't go "searching" for a gf. When you're too busy wanting to have a relationship, you don't get one. I always thought I would meet someone in a pub or at a prom. I just signed up here on the board because I thought the people around here were funny and it could be fun to join.
I hope you have that eely coincidence too and then enjoy the pleasure of growing into a promising relationship good luck!!!

[woolythinking]

I wouldn't recommend waiting around for something to happen. It's true that things happen when you aren't looking for them, and you definitely can't force anything. But if you've gained a friend, sometimes that's good enough. But don't go around feeling stupid for falling in love, or for telling her how you felt. Take it instead to show that you really can meet someone special in the strangest circumstances; it's trite, but it's worth remembering.

My advice counts for little, as my romantic history is... well.

If you were nearer, I'd get you horrendously drunk. That's my usual first step to recovery.

[KingFatass]

Thank you, you're all making a lot of sense. Specially you Niels, that was really helpfull.

Ow and wooly, ill get wasted on my own but thanks for the offer

You all are too kind!

[woolythinking]

kingfatass said:

Ow and wooly, ill get wasted on my own but thanks for the offer

Well, next time I'm out, I'll buy you a drink, and then drink it myself. It'll be getting you wasted on the spiritual plane.

[sadie]

she can't have you, youre MINE micky MINE MINE MINE

[geek]

kingfatass said:

Thanks for your advice, I really apreciate it.

If I can remember reading on the old board correctly Geek, you went trough a similar thing. So your advice seem pretty reasonable. I however did try to cut it of by msn/phone blocking etc etc... But I couldn't take it longer then 2 days.

Anyways you're thought give me stuff to work on, thanks agian.

yeah.

that's funny about the two days. I got to something like 15, maybe 14 and a half. But it was so hard. Every time up to that time, i would tell myself, "tomorrow is definitely day one of no more of this. And this will be the final day one." I know i made it sound like it was supposed to be so easy... "oh yeah, just forget about her and get over it and move on. Simple as that." But it's not simple as that. It fucking sucks. And trying to keep it as friends doesn't work either. Not even with time. That actually just makes it worse. At least for me it did.

I don't know. I'm not good at talking about feelings and stuff like this.
maybe i'm just not in the mood right now. just not about this.

[easytigerrr]

Don't look for love, and it will come looking for you.

[Great Mistake]

Actually I don't think I really believe in that.
I believe in what Daniel Johnston sings:
"true love will find you in the end
you'll find out just who was your friend
don't be sad I know you will
but don't give up until
true love will find you in the end

this is a promise with a catch
only if you're looking will it find you
cause true love is searching too
and how will it recognize you
Unless you step out into the light"

you forget that if you're a shy guy and never ever talk to girls, you stay alone forever. so a healthy dose of wanting can be good.

[Nick]

I shall attempt to raise your spirits with an excerpt from the story of my life:

To start with, I was 25 last March, and I only got my first girlfriend in October.

My schooldays weren't a lot of fun, so I never really got to going out socially, and it wasn't until I went on the old official Eels board that I had anyone I could really call a friend since the time I was at college. Anyhoo, last year started pretty crappy, but in August I started chatting to a girl on MSN I kind of knew through a website I contribute to occasionally. We hit it off pretty well from the start, but as the weeks ticked by I realised how special she was. She's had a lot of crappy stuff happen to her in the last few years, and I'd like to make it up to her as much as I can. We met up as much as we could last year considering she lives a couple of hours away, talked on the phone for hours at a time, and I went to stay with her for just over two weeks after Christmas. The moral of the story?

Don't give up on love, although even if you have, I think it can still find you. Like Emma said above, a lot of the really shitty stuff life throws at you can sometimes be trying to make you learn something you'll need to know later on. Just keep your head up, and be the best person you can be to people you know, including this girl who's now your friend. Maybe she'll change her mind, maybe you'll meet someone new. But either way you'll be able to feel proud of the way you got there.

[Great Mistake]

wow, so many guys here who have or had the same "problem". I think you can only find such a concentration on the EELS message board .

[KingFatass]

Haha oh wow.. ghosts of the past. I can't believe what an incredible whining emo kid is was....


Ow wait, nothing has chaged since... Did I make myself sad now? Am I talking to myself again? Did I leave the oven on?.........man I need some sleep.