renie
Butch's Beard Sculptor
Posts: 89
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drugs?
Jan 22, 2006 19:36:45 GMT
Post by renie on Jan 22, 2006 19:36:45 GMT
redlocks: I understand how you say that trust is the biggest issue. I think when a teenager is using, parents can go on and tell themselves "Okay, it's just a phase. It'll pass, it's not so bad" as long as they trust their children. As long as there still is the feeling that the whole thing is under control, you can beg and yell and preach in the vain attempt to be some kind of counterbalance to the "let's party and have fun" attitude of the kids. But as soon as you find out that your kids are lying to you, you know there's something wrong. Stefan, if I had been your mother, I would've been out of my mind by the time they found you sleeping on that road! I don't know what I would've done. But I guess you're an example of how things can work out in the end again. But you say it's because your brother and your wife helped you. So I guess the important thing is the company people keep. Redlocks, with all due respect: I don't think locking your son up will help in any way. This will only make him more rebellious. I know, I shouldn't say that and I'm no expert or anything. But maybe Stefan can elaborate on what he did to get away from using heavily?
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drugs?
Jan 22, 2006 19:44:02 GMT
Post by redlocks on Jan 22, 2006 19:44:02 GMT
i really, really appreciate all of your comments about what I posted. I have read them all thoroughly, looking for some clue as to how I should parent my son. Of course the answer is not here. Things are just not that easy. I will say this board has been great fun and comfort to me the last few months as I am learning to say goodbye to my "children" and move on to treating them as adults. It's a difficult transition. Moreso for a mother I think and even harder for a single mother. I will offer no parental advice regarding any issues raised in this thread, or any thread for that matter. I may make comments at some time or another based on experience but I like enjoying you as young people that are not my children. I'm very fond of you all but I am not responsible for you and that is nice. All that being said, I'm going to tell you a little about me lest you think you are dealing with some kind of American soccer mom here. At the age of 14 my parents refused to let me live in their home anymore because my behavior was so bad they could not handle me. At the age of 15 I was pregnant with my first child. At the age of 16, at 5am one morning after a long night of laboring alone, I took a cab to the hospital alone and 5 hours later delivered a baby boy alone - in the charity ward. At the age of 17 I was supporting myself and that child in an apartment - alone. At the age of 22 I made the worst mistake of my life by marrying a professional musician. By professional, I mean he made a living at it. Had a label, recordings, toured constantly, etc. I bore him 2 other children during the 15 years of our marriage. At the age of 34 I left that marriage and made a solemn promise to myself that I would never marry again. I remain true to that promise to this day. Through all of this I managed to attend college, find and keep lucrative jobs, create and maintain a career, and raise my children. I have made many mistakes as a person and as a parent. I think you might be able to tell from what I've written that there are few pleasures that life can offer that I have not enjoyed at one time or another. At the same time I have experienced a lot of heartache, much of it I brought on myself. I try to dwell on none of that too often. I am truly stumped as to how to handle my son at this point. I have always offered open, honest, caring love and encouragement to all my children. I have offered punishment when deserved but always trying to make it a direct consequence of the offending action. It is not fun knowing your children do not like you, in fact that they hate you but it is not my responsibility to be liked. It is my responsibility to raise a functional adult. That doesn't mean that the words "I hate you" dont tear my heart out but I said them to my mom and they were not true so I can only hope the ones said to me aren't true either. As for talking to my son? I think if I talk to him anymore he might hold me down and cut my tongue out. My other two children were so open with me that I knew when they lost their virginities and the first times they vomited from being drunk. They still tell me things that curl my hair. I wish they wouldn't sometimes. This young one though, he will not talk to me no matter what I say. He shows no remorse for anything except being caught. I think he has anger inside but I don't know why. Shit. Enough of this. The Panthers play today and I think my drink of choice shall be vodka and Red Bull. Starting now.
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renie
Butch's Beard Sculptor
Posts: 89
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drugs?
Jan 22, 2006 19:53:29 GMT
Post by renie on Jan 22, 2006 19:53:29 GMT
I'm sorry. I'm really in no position to judge what's right in your case. I just thought that Stefan's experience might be of some help because he "made it".
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drugs?
Jan 22, 2006 20:06:26 GMT
Post by redlocks on Jan 22, 2006 20:06:26 GMT
oh renie my love, i made that post before i read yours. your comments are also greatly appreciated. don't think that i am not pondering all that is said here. i just meant to say there is no easy fix to this problem you are wonderful my dear and the fact that you tried to offer some kind of helpful comment means the world to me, as as do all of the comments from the kind people here. if sjaakie has advice for me i will surely listen. he can post it publicly or in a pm.
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sjaakie
Butch's Beard Sculptor
The Frying Dutchman
piratE
Posts: 70
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drugs?
Jan 23, 2006 2:07:38 GMT
Post by sjaakie on Jan 23, 2006 2:07:38 GMT
hope to see you soon on msn
i tried to type a few things here but then some where to personal (i dont care to tell my story but it's also my family's and that's no ones buisness) or it just did not look relevant as on the other side it has been to me
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