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Post by sadie on Oct 11, 2006 18:29:02 GMT
I had an intense day today. INTENSE
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mr worm
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Post by mr worm on Oct 11, 2006 18:35:58 GMT
Legend through and through.
In what way was your day intense?
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Post by sadie on Oct 11, 2006 18:42:36 GMT
I need to think about that myself first. But I will probably get back to you.
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Post by eris on Oct 11, 2006 19:48:58 GMT
Its been okay so far but I have a dreadful task coming up in about 45 minutes.
A woman who used to work here and I think never really liked me is applying for the position I had before I got my promotion. She applied for the job I got, and I basically have to sit down with her and discuss my old position, which she is applying for, and make sure that she is not going to have a problem with the fact that should she get the position, she would be reporting to me. As, part of the reason she didn't apply for this position initially was that she had some bad feelings about not getting the job I got. At one point, when I was part time, she was my boss, now I'll be hers. This is dreadfully uncomfortable.
It wasn't even my idea that we do this, but now they're acting like it was and it seems less and less like a good idea with every passing minute. I'm really not management material, I don't know what they were thinking hiring me.
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Pasty King
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Post by Pasty King on Oct 11, 2006 19:57:01 GMT
They were probably thinking about Dead Kittens. You'll be fine, probably, you were fine when you told that other person they didn't get an interview last time.
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Post by eris on Oct 11, 2006 20:03:03 GMT
They were probably thinking about Dead Kittens. You'll be fine, probably, you were fine when you told that other person they didn't get an interview last time. ;D Shit, now I'm going to be thinking about dead kittens and trying not to laugh through the whole thing. Damn you!!! And everyone here now thinks I'm totally sick because dead kittens make me laugh. I like the "you'll be fine, probably" as well. Very encouraging. I feel as if I might be sick.
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Pasty King
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Post by Pasty King on Oct 11, 2006 20:11:20 GMT
Yeh, that was evil of me, sorry, although you are sick for laughing about dead kittens.
The "probably" was for my benefit, I think you'll be fine, but on the offchance that you're not, then I have something to fallback behind.
Really you have nothing to lose, if it goes horrible then it'll be completely down to her, and she doesn't get the job and it's no longer your problem.
I think maybe I should just give up at trying to be helpful and end with a Good Luck, Good Luck.
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Post by eris on Oct 11, 2006 20:19:45 GMT
I appreciate the effort.
Really I'm just worried that she will get the job (as my boss is the final say and I don't think he'll listen to me on this one), and my having asked her this sort of thing will make things tense where they wouldn't have been otherwise.
What can I say, I truly am a Pioneer of Paranoia. Jeff would be proud of me at this moment.
I wish I was watching Coupling right now.
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Post by sadie on Oct 11, 2006 22:38:53 GMT
I guess I'm not going to get much sleep tonight. I have thoughts circling. I don't like them.
It's a long story and I'm feeling weak from illness but I'll put some of it down because I need to get thoughts out for somebody to read. I used to be in a relationship with a girl named Radojka as some of you may know. We broke up because I didn't want to be in a relationship anymore, but it didn't mean that I didn't have feelings for her lingering around. We started being together around this time last year, so it seems like this time feels lovey for me now. I just made a new friend, a really cool person named Michael who came to see eels with me and is going to see Lisa Germano with me. He's cool. Anyway, I introduced him to Radojka and we've been hanging out as a three for a couple of weeks, on some days. And I never realised that Michael and Radojka had any loving feelings towards each other, but apparently over the last few days they've found out that they do. They don't know if these feelings will lead anywhere but I think they are willing to see if they will. And they told me this today. Buttt. Radojka says that she is still in love with me. They explained it to me today. It was shocking. I didn't realise there could be anything between them. But it's happened. And I said to them that I don't want to be in a relationship, and I said this because Radojka, I think, was willing to be in one with me again and forget about the whole Michael thing if I said I wanted to be in a relationship (well that's how it seemed from the way things were being said and from past knowledge). But I'm not ready, even though feelings are there. So I said this and I said I wouldn't stop them from seeing what their feelings lead to, obviously I couldn't stop the feelings. The problem is that I've realised I'm going to be very uncomfortable being around the two of them, watching them progress (maybe). And it's making me sad. Becuase I have strong feelings for Radojka. But I'm not going to tell them that it makes me uncomfortable, because they said if I said this then they'd step back. And I couldn't be the one to stop the growth of certain feelings. I was loving the feeling of Radojka always being there though. Becuase of the feelings I have for her, and knowing that she has feelings for me (how many times have I said feelings...FEELING), I liked knowing that there could have been a relationship there for when I was ready. And that sounds selfish, and I obviously wouldn't make her wait for me, because who knows when I'll feel I can be in a relationship with somebody. So I'm fine with them exploring this possible love. It wouldn't be a problem for me if the three (1 2 3) weren't doing stuff together at times. We're going to Pheonix Arts to watch Blue Velvet in a couple of weeks, and we're going to go to these lochs near my house and watch the stars in a couple of weeks. And it's sad to feel that this could make me uncomfortable because of being around them. I want the feelings to go away so I can not care about them exploring the feelings at all. So if I tell them I'm uncomfortable then Id probably be destroying any hope that there could be something between them. And if I don't say anything then I'm uncomfortable around them, and can't say I don't want to go places with them as they will catch on and know I'm uncomfortable in being around them. I'm going to choose the not telling them option because I can't be the one to stop any little chance of a relationship. Anyway, I've made my decision, it's just tormenting me. This also all reminds me that it is so easy for people to fall in love. Which isn't a bad thing, it's just scary. Anyway, maybe this is a sudden shock, and it's what is causing these insane thoughts. Maybe they'll go away and everything will become clearer and I won't mind and yesss.
I listened to Ys on the way home and it thrilled me. In the dark.
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Post by sadie on Oct 11, 2006 22:58:53 GMT
This is sort of funny. Maybe.
Because I've always thought that when you're in love that you would know you'd need to be in a relationship with that person and it would be right. All right. So this isn't what is happening with Radojka. I love her. And I have feelings. But I think I just love her and am not ..in love with her. Mm, there's a different. So why should I care that this is happening? Becuase I still can't stop these lingering feelings, and I didn't know how I'd react if anything like this happened - it didn't cross my mind much. And I've reacted in a way that shows that I'm uncomfortable with it. But I shouldn't be. Do I think there will be a sudden progression of feelings so there is a pure love which knows it wants a relationship?
These don't have to be answered, just thoughts that are going through my head, usually that's enough, but I feel this needs to be typed.
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Post by redlocks on Oct 12, 2006 2:07:31 GMT
Awww Sadie. Good thing you didn't ask for answers cause there are no easy ones for what you are going through. You will get through it though.
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KingFatass
Butch's Beard Sculptor
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Post by KingFatass on Oct 12, 2006 6:17:45 GMT
Cheer up Sadie! It's going to be ok!
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Post by randomanthony on Oct 12, 2006 11:12:31 GMT
Yeah, I don't know if there's anything more painful, romance-wise, than those scenarios...had a similar one when I was younger. Still hurts when I think about it, you know?
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liesbet
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Post by liesbet on Oct 12, 2006 15:09:20 GMT
yeah, I know the story too. well, 2 seperate stories: one with having feelings, getting into a relationship and getting out of it because it doesn't feels right EVEN if there *are* feelings. and another one not wanting to get in the way of someone you love's chances to have a relationship. That's life, I guess.. still I can't except (yet) that love can feel so badly. It's like.. it just isn't right that love feels bad. i've thought a lot about Mr E's 'do you know what it's like to care too much 'bout someone that you never gonna get to touch' lately. No idea if anyone can follow this though
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Post by sadie on Oct 12, 2006 16:09:44 GMT
Didn't like today. But I'm listening to a Tom Waits concert to cheer me up.
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mr worm
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Post by mr worm on Oct 12, 2006 16:37:29 GMT
I really wish there was some good advice that I could give you. I know you said you weren't looking for answers from us, but you've helped me out so much the past few months... feel kinda useless. But I'll listen to anything you have to say. I hope that you will know what the right thing to do is in time.
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Post by sadie on Oct 12, 2006 16:57:49 GMT
Ohhh, I feel a need to release emotions. Whyyy. ELRHEKRJEJRLERLEKJRKLJER KMELKMRTEKR - bear with me here.
Thanks for the comforting words. I will see what happens.
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Post by sadie on Oct 12, 2006 21:02:04 GMT
I sort of turned my sad day in to a happy day . There was an open evening thing at my college today (from 6 - 9 we show parents, future students around the college). It was cool this year because some classrooms had food. But you had to say an interesting adjective, describing a haunted house, to get the food. I also got a lolly from the French department. And one cool english teacher dressed up as shakespeare. I hadn't signed up to go (a few students from each subject area go to help out(, but I went anyway, on a sort of whim. And I got to see amazing teachers after school hours and showed Radojka's little sister (who is much much alike to Radojka) and her friend around the college for most of the night. Which was fun. And I got to see Radojka because she was there helping out in the Dance department. And I really enjoyed seeing her. It's probably a bad thing because it makes me want to just forget everything and start a relationship with her. Not that I will do that. But I'm happy anyway because this all helped calm my mind from earlier. Mmmm. And now Michael is speaking to me on MSN telling me about how many times he's been trying to get in contact with Radojka to talk about certain things that they've been discussing ...going to a concert together etc. But I'm trying to block it out... *uses mind powers * zwwumm. Tell me when talking about this gets annoying.
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Post by sadie on Oct 12, 2006 21:36:03 GMT
This time last year, on this same open day thing, is when me and Radojka had first met. Not first met but it was like out first date...not a proper date, we hadn't even told each other our feelings yet, but we knew there was a connection. So it was this time last year that we had an amazing time together. I love to be in school at night. In Beauchamp, anyway. The open day was much better this year because of added food and some other extra little things.
So maybe this is why I suddenly went tonight. To re-live last year.
..see, if you don't tell me it's getting annoying, then more posts will come
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woolythinking
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Post by woolythinking on Oct 12, 2006 21:53:21 GMT
It's not annoying, sadie. Everyone needs to vent sometimes, and it's not a nice situation. But you're trying to do the right thing by everybody, and although that's not necessarily something that can cheer you up, I admire you for it. It's easy to be selfish in love.
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Post by sadie on Oct 12, 2006 21:58:15 GMT
I'd most likely keep it inside usually. But because I have to keep so much inside now, due to not being able to tell Radojka or Michael my feelings, it's hard to keep everything inside, so writing some thoughts out here seems to be helping.
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Post by sadie on Oct 13, 2006 18:59:13 GMT
I have a question. Why has the little box at the top of my msn window (which usually directs me to the hotmail inbox) started directing me to outlook express???
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Pasty King
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Post by Pasty King on Oct 14, 2006 16:40:08 GMT
Bill Gates is mucking with you, just because he can.
My day was pretty good, I was on a training course at work, to help with the Mentoring I do, previously I had just been doing what I felt was right, but now I'm super trained to deal with the poor confused trainees and their issues.
We also did some cool (well, I think cool) tests to see what sort of learners and leaders/teachers we naturally are, I came out as a mostly Reflective learner, although Theorist and Pragmatist were very close, if that means anything to anyone, the only thing I was low on was Activist, which is hardly surprising, and am a Seller in the leadership thing.
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emma
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Post by emma on Oct 14, 2006 23:26:33 GMT
I cleaned the bathroom we've been living here a month or more... and this is the first time anyone has done it. sexy. look at the cool jumper i bought!!! in the shop there were varying colours with LEARN on them i went for E, for Emma, for Eels, for Excellent
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mr worm
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Post by mr worm on Oct 15, 2006 9:36:24 GMT
That jumper is truely awesome. Wear it next time you see eels, he'll appreciate it.
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